If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
