The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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