Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
