now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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