we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Im part way to drunk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
