please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
