So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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