He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
