i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
