clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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