My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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