What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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