I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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