I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
