so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
