hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
