i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
