look no pants
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
