Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
