I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
