She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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