She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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