This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
