You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
