physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
