All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
