True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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