So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
