I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
