ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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