Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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