I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
