Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
