So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
