I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
