If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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