my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I FOUND THE LEGS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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