Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
