How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
