idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
