I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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