I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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