My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
