just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
