I hope mine doesn't look like that
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
