Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
