i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
