moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
