just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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