First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
