How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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