just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
