the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
