Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
