based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
