Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
